[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-25 23:03:21
By the way, someone asked how I intended to celebrate the Spring Festival this year.
Don’t worry about me being alone this year. My dad will bring his boyfriend, no, actually his husband, to accompany me for the New Year.
I’ll pick them up tomorrow and show them around, so I might post less these days.
Happy New Year in advance to everyone!
[1st floor] Sky_high: I’m relieved to know that Xiao Xi is not alone during the Chinese New Year!
[2nd floor] You are the most beautiful: Xiao Xi, remember to visit us during the Chinese New Year!!
[3rd floor] [OP] Registered a random number. OK (^-^q).
[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-26 23:28:32
After deleting Moments and Weibo, I left my phone in the bedroom to charge and then went to the living room to have dinner with Da Bai.
Halfway through the meal, Da Bai’s phone rang. He looked at the called ID, then looked at me and said, “Pei Hao.”
I quickly whispered to him, “Don’t tell him that I was looking for you today.”
Da Bai picked up the phone and then pretended to act stupid.
“Hey, brother Hao.”
“Ah? No, I’m still working overtime.”
“Xiao Xi? How is he gone?”
“Ah? Why is his leg lame?”
“Strange. Who else can he find in city Y if not you or me?”
“Will he go back to city X?”
“Don’t worry; I’ll help you inquire.”
I gave Da Bai a thumbs up. “A perfect score for acting. Oscar owes you a golden statue.”
“Don’t be too quick to rely on me.” Da Bai pointed to the phone and said, “I feel he’s ready to call the police. If you don’t call him back, both your sister and the police will soon know that you ran away with a lame leg.”
Was he in a hurry to call the police? Not really. When I moved out, I left a note under the ashtray on the coffee table in the living room. There was only an A4-sized paper and an ashtray; unless he was blind, he should have seen it. He knew my handwriting, and I only took away my things, so it was clear that I left by myself; there was no bullshit plot of being forced or kidnapped.
When Pei Hao found out I was gone, he might have been slightly annoyed. After all, even if a dog that was kept for five years ran away quietly, the owner might be angry. But as soon as the initial reaction passed, after thinking carefully, he would realize that he was never in love with me, and I was not a qualified partner to spend a lifetime with. Sooner or later, we would break up anyway, so it was better to follow my wishes and break up now.
Who knows how many times Pei Hao thought about breaking up with me. His heart would probably waver every time he saw Fu Yan. He might have rehearsed the many breakup words a thousand times already, but for one reason or another, he could never say them. Now I gave him both the time and the reason.
This way, when we parted, both of us would be happy.
I looked at Da Bai in confusion and asked again to verify. “Are you sure he was worried?”
“No kidding,” Da Bai knocked my head with his index finger and said, “Not only was he worried, but he was also anxious to the point of crying!”
This was not the reaction I expected. After all, when we broke up last time, I took my things away in front of him, and he never thought about looking for me. This time, I even saved him the usual breakup drama, but he suddenly wanted to find me? It shouldn’t be.
I kept musing about it but could not understand Pei Hao’s way of thinking. I was not afraid he would call the police, but I was worried he would call my sister. Recalling Pei Hao’s attitude towards me these days, I was suddenly a little unsure whether he would really try to find me in the future, so I took my crutches and walked back to the bedroom to get the phone.
Sure enough, the phone screen was flickering, and after the light dimmed, I saw over 20 missed calls from Pei Hao. I seemed to have muted the phone before, so no wonder I didn’t hear the phone ringing in the living room. I was about to call him when it rang again. It was him.
I picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Where are you?” Pei Hao’s voice was quite urgent. He would usually call me Xiao Xi first and then would start speaking.
I didn’t reply but asked instead, “Did you see the note on the coffee table?”
“Hm…” Pei Hao paused and then whispered. “You took the things away…”
I changed my posture to sit down and said lightly, “Yes. I left by myself.”
Pai Hao said hoarsely, “Are you still mad at me?”
I shook my head, although he couldn’t see it. “I’m not angry. I don’t feel anything now. So let’s just break up.”
Pei Hao seemed to take a deep breath, and after a while, he said with a strong voice, “Where are you? I’ll pick you up.”
I frowned. “Pei Hao, don’t you understand? I really want to break up with you.”
“Xiao Xi…” Pei Hao raised his voice with a hint of pleading. “I really didn’t see you fall into the water that day. I swear, if I knew it was you, I would desperately jump to save you!”
I stopped for a while and pointed directly at the crux of the matter. “Why didn’t you see me that day, but you saw Fu Yan?”
Pei Hao was silent for a while, unable to answer.
“Because you only have Fu Yan in your eyes. For the past five years, you only had Fu Yan in your heart.” I sneered, full of sarcasm in my heart. Pei Hao gave me the deepest and heaviest knife wound and finally asked me to open it and show it to him.
Pei Hao wanted to explain, but the words he said in a hurry were incoherent. “It’s not… Xiao Xi, Xiao Xi, we have nothing to do with each other. We are just ordinary friends.”
“Maybe you are just ordinary friends, but your feelings for him have never been ordinary. Pei Hao, since you like him, treat him well in the future. I wish you happiness.” I sighed and closed my eyes on the bed, and said, “I’ve been too tired for the past five years. I’ve now let go; you can let go too.”
Pei Hao’s voice suddenly trembled. “Xiao Xi, I won’t let go. Where are you? Can I explain it to you face to face?”
I didn’t need an explanation. I just wanted to leave him, leave a failed relationship, and start a new life.
I replied calmly, “That’s fine. Don’t try to find me again. I’m OK now.”
Pei Hao’s voice stopped. “Xiao Xi, I …”
I felt that this kind of never-ending conversation was very tiring, so when Pei Hao was about to say something else, I ended the call.
Pei Hao’s phone number showed up again. I hung up, and he called again. Looking at the flashing screen, I felt irritable for no reason, so I blocked his number.
He didn’t need to explain. Didn’t need to pretend to be reluctant to break up with me. In this relationship, I found it the most difficult to give up, and it was I who was stuck in the quagmire, while he was busy enjoying my love for him. What he was reluctant to lose was not me, but my care for him.
After a while, Pei Hao’s WeChat messages came one after another.
“Xiao Xi, I thought about it. I have done a lot of bad things in the past five years. I will change them all. Can you give me a chance to make up to you?”
“Your leg isn’t healed yet. Come back, and I’ll take you to see a doctor. Let me take care of you. What will happen if you fall while you’re alone outside? At least I’ll leave after your injury is healed.”
“Xiao Xi, you can’t just leave like that. Let us meet and make things clear.”
I took my phone and stared with mixed feelings at the WeChat messages popping up every few seconds. What was the use of talking about it now? How could he explain it clearly when he hadn’t been able to explain it clearly for five years? I admit that he might still care about me, but this type of care was nothing compared to his feelings for Fu Yan.
Another message popped up on WeChat. I didn’t open it. Instead, I clicked on the menu, selected Pei Hao, and deleted him as a friend.
The world became quiet, and my heart became empty. So be it, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. One day, we would both find someone who could stay with us for a lifetime, and we would occasionally miss the youthful and reckless times. Except, the person who could be with him for a lifetime would no longer be me.
[1st floor] Wu Xue Tong Tong Tong: The breakup is good. The breakup is wonderful. The breakup is tip-top!
[2nd floor] A Yi Yi: Why do I feel that Pei Hao’s emotional intelligence is worrying? After all this time, he still doesn’t know to say that he loves you and not Fu Yan?
[3rd floor] Dreamme: Upstairs +1
[4th floor] Lift Radio: Slag gong is not low in emotional intelligence, but he can’t say it because he loves Fu Yan more than Xiao Xi.
[8th floor] Young_wea: Let me speculate on the scum gong’s mental process: Ah, this kid likes me, um, he’s pretty cute. Since he’s chasing me, let’s promise to play. He’s good in all aspects, and it’s comfortable to be with him. But the white moonlight is the best. He is electricity; he is light; he is the only myth. Between the white moonlight and the child, of course, I choose the white moonlight. The child is leaving me. No, absolutely not. Who will treat me well after he goes?
[9th floor] 8Voooo: cough I want to say, I think Pei Hao likes Xiao Xi. If he didn’t like him, he wouldn’t react like this when he left.
[10th floor] – a knife: Like is like, but this kind of like is too cheap. Xiao Xi has said that as long as Fu Yan is involved, this kind of like is worthless.
[18th floor] San Qian Ruo Shui 08: I don’t care who likes whom; I just want to abuse the scumbag! Xiao Xi promised to torture him to death! Never look back!!!
[19th floor] AndyKK: Ah, the most annoying person was still confused after the breakup. When Xiao Xi blocked him, I was so excited that I ate a pound of crabs!