I don’t know where to start.
I once had a boyfriend. I was the one to pursue him. Let’s call him A. I met A when I was still a freshman. On the school basketball court, he was amazing. All the girls in the audience would shout hysterically when he ran, jumped, or even shot a simple three-pointer. He was my type, so one day, I did something out of the ordinary. I bought a bottle of mineral water and waited for him not far away. Of course, too many girls wanted to give him water then, so I didn’t squeeze through the crowd.
That day, I couldn’t say a word to him, but that didn’t affect my interest in him at all. I kept a tab on him. The more attention I paid to him, the more I found him to my liking. As a yan dog, I had no scruples at all. After living for almost 20 years, I finally met someone to my taste, so I jumped right in.
I was pursuing someone for the first time in my life. I had no experience. I didn’t know how to flirt with him or play hard to get. I was stupid. I finally joined the basketball team to warm the bench (later, directly changed to logistics). I even signed up for an intensive Japanese crash course (I could understand island country action movies). Anyway, I tried my best to appear wherever he would be.
I didn’t care what other people thought of me. At that age of low IQ, I thought love was bigger than the sky. I wanted to pursue him. I didn’t know whether I would catch him, but I wanted him to know I liked him.
Eventually, I figured it out. With my ordinary status, I could only get him because I had my gender as an advantage over others. A was gay. I don’t know whether he was born gay or became gay for his white moonlight, but it was impossible to like girls. He was more curved than a mosquito coil, so I won over those little girls with ease.
Oh, by the way, I forgot to say, I’m a man. Of course, I’m also cute (・(ｪ)・)
It’s pretty amazing; I somehow pursued A, and quite by accident, we’ve been together for five years. Although these last five years were a significant investment, I’ve been so stupid and cheap.
[1st floor] A great painter: So I entered a gay post.
[2nd floor] Xiao Fan fanboy: Too long to read, let’s split it.
[3rd floor] See me give you an eye roll: What are you talking about, OP? Who are you going to dump? A?
[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-16 13:11:55
Take it easy, people. Just went for a meal.
Speaking of being in love with him for five years, I probably unilaterally thought we were in love.
For him, it was just finding a babysitter, the patient kind.
He has a younger brother he grew up with, not blood related, probably a neighbor, let’s call him B.
We all went to the same university.
A was especially good to B. He sent him an umbrella whenever it was raining. When B was sick, he stood me up and went to take care of him. Once, we bought a ticket to go to Thailand for the National Day holiday, but the day before we left, he said we couldn’t go because B had gastroenteritis. Of course, I was angry, but A said that B was his childhood friend, just like a brother. How could a brother go out and play when his brother was sick?
At the time, I still felt A made sense. It showed he had a sense of responsibility. It never occurred to me that A would never pick me up when it rained. When I was sick, A would buy some medicine and tell me to drink more hot water. (hehe, drink hot water)
When I shook my head, I could listen to the sound of the sea.
[1st floor] See me give you an eye roll: OP, your head must be filled with the four continents and five oceans, right? (smile.jpg)
[2nd floor] shadowwww: 6666. OP, look up. Do you see a green light?
[3rd floor] King of pesticide, medicine: Such a scum. Will you keep him for the Ching Ming Festival?
[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-16 13:38:10
I discovered something was wrong (it seems I still had a little bit of brain left, probably no more than 0.1% of the average population). It was B’s birthday. I was in my sophomore year, and I’d had been with A for almost a year. My birthday is in February. A went home for the Chinese New Year, so we didn’t spend time together. I called A to remind him… I had a feeling he wouldn’t remember. Maybe to avoid being embarrassed the next time I saw him, or because of some ridiculous dignity, I stupidly asked him what gift he bought me…
As you can imagine, what I got was a long silence and embarrassment. I knew he forgot. He was in a bad mood. After a few casual sentences, he hung up. We had minimal contact during that vacation, and I suddenly realized that if I didn’t contact him, he wouldn’t contact me either.
When school started, he asked me to meet him. I thought he was going to break up. Actually, I didn’t love him so much back then, so a break-up would have been good, and I wouldn’t have ended up in so much pain afterward. He gave me a pair of sneakers, saying that he wanted to make up for my missed birthday present. He must have been extremely lucky, as he bought me the very pair I longed for. So I forgave him boringly, and my anger from the holidays evaporated just like that. Now that I think about it, even if what he gave me were just a random gadget, I would also forgive him. No way, loving someone is so irrational.
But hey, isn’t it about B’s birthday? I’m rambling too much again…
B’s birthday is in April. On weekends, I would sometimes book a hotel room with A, ahem, to write homework, talk about ideals, and do things I don’t want to describe. Once, when he was taking a shower, his WeChat app was ringing. The person who sent the WeChat was C, one of his good buddies. He asked,
“What would Xiao Xi think about you like this?”
There was no other Xiao Xi around him. Xiao Xi must have been me. Since I was mentioned, I couldn’t help but look at the chat history (his phone had no password).
Ok, it was my fault to look at his chat history. Anyway, besides reading his chat history, how else have I wronged him during the last five years? Can’t remember. There shouldn’t be anything…
A was discussing with C how to celebrate B’s birthday. He considered several options, just as if he were pursuing B. He either felt that this was not good enough for B’s character, or B wouldn’t like it. I always thought A was indifferent to everyone, a person who never cared much about what others thought.
This turned out to be the legendary self-deception, which was kind of ridiculous. In fact, he was only indifferent to me. He never cared about what I thought, but he was still patient with people he liked.
In the end, even C was annoyed by A and sent him two WeChat messages directly:
“What would Xiao Xi think about you like that?”
“If you like B, just dump Xiao Xi and chase him; don’t dawdle.”
How to describe how I felt at that time? My hand holding the phone was shaking. The word “like” was particularly eye catching because it was a bit extravagant for me. A had never said he liked me. C could quickly help him say it, but it was for other people. Perhaps my subconscious has long known that A never really liked me, but it was the first time I accepted that he not only didn’t like me, but in fact, he liked B.
After understanding this fact, all his previous behaviors were easy to explain. That’s it; I was stupid. I only noticed it after being together for almost a year. I guess people around him had known it for a long time, and everyone’s heart was like a mirror.
[1st floor] A great painter: WTF, I’m a little angry. This garbage A. OP, how did you stay with him for five years?
[2nd floor] Avant-garde de-cat: One is willing to fight, the other is willing to endure
[3rd floor] B-Yuan: Hello Xiao Xi, I’m Yangtze River
[4th floor] Believe it or not, I’ll hit you: Hello Yangtze River, I am the Yellow River
[5th floor] MiaoMaoo: Upstairs is too boring…
[6th floor] You are the most beautiful: Heartbroken OP. Actually, the sorriest thing he did was to peek at A’s chat records ヾ(д° )ノ
[7th floor] Avant-garde de-cat: Distressed +1
[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-16 14:01:00
How did I stay with him for five years?
Good question. Later, B went abroad as an exchange student, so A treated me better than in the first year.
Unconsciously muddling through, five years went by fast.
[OP] Registered a random number. Posting time: 2017-01-16 14:31:21
When A came out from the shower that day, he saw me sitting dumbfounded by the TV and asked me what was wrong. I told him I’d read the chat history between him and C.
A didn’t like other people touching his things, and his chat history was private, so he must have been unhappy. But I didn’t bother to explain; I was more upset than him.
Hey, I don’t want to talk about the next paragraph; it’s a little embarrassing…
A said nothing. He picked up the phone, looked at it, and replied to C. The point is that he didn’t want to explain it to me.
The more I thought about it, the more aggrieved I felt, thinking about all the things I had done for him. When I had no classes, I got up in the morning and walked 15 minutes to the West Gate to buy his favorite breakfast and then walked back. He mentioned something he wanted to buy, so I wrote it down and bought it for him. Once he said he wanted a specific brand of limited edition sneakers, but it was sold out, so I couldn’t get it. I bought it from a friend for three times the asking price and ate instant noodles for a month.
There are too many such things, and I can’t even remember all of them. I tried my best to treat him well and wanted him to be happy, hoping that he would eventually like me a little, but he wouldn’t even give me an explanation.
What hurts the most? The trivial, everyday things of life hurt the most.
I was going to question him, fight with him again, but I started to cry before I could say anything… the more I cried, the more I couldn’t control myself, and finally, I cried myself out of breath. I couldn’t even say a word, how could I fight? (haha.jpg)
A froze because I cried in front of him for the first time. I cried with tears and snot. I said while crying, “You… you don’t like me… I… just… forget it, let’s break up… break up.”
A took a tissue to wipe my tears and nose. After wiping, he hugged me and gently patted my back. He treated me so tenderly for the first time, which gave me the illusion that he actually liked me a little.
A explained, “B will go abroad for exchange next semester, so I want to give him a wonderful birthday.” After that, he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me to sleep.
Have you ever been hugged and kissed on the forehead by someone you like? If yes, you can understand why I let this go. (The OP sat at the computer desk and whispered without confidence (。_ 。) ) I thought he still felt something for me; otherwise, he wouldn’t bother to comfort me. Moreover, B would go abroad soon, so no matter how A felt about him, they wouldn’t see each other very often. Even if A only liked me a little bit now, I had the time and opportunity to treat him even better and make him fall in love with me.
Facts have shown that there is an impassable gulf between ideal and reality. In the end, my five years of hard work still couldn’t match B’s place in his heart. Ultimately, I’ve exhausted all my sincerity and only deceived myself. If anyone asks me now whether I want to be with someone who doesn’t love me, my answer is no, absolutely not. The more you give, the more you will hurt later. People who don’t love you will never love you in the end. Even if he says he loves you, are you sure it’s love? Or are you sure he loves you romantically instead of the way he loves his parents?
Whenever I look back and think about it, I feel sorry for myself. I was so stupid. After five years, the worst thing is that this relationship has consumed my affection and love and exhausted my ability to love others.
[1st floor] Avant-garde de-cat: Tiger petting Xiao Xi
[2nd floor] Believe it or not, I’ll hit you: I’m not scolding you, OP, but your heart is so soft… you deserve it…
[3rd floor] the flower the person the dog: I also once liked a person who did not love me, I worked like an ox for a few years, I gave him my heart, but he finally cheated and also harassed me with the mistress who came to my door to make trouble. Who didn’t love a few scumbags when he was young (sad.jpg)
[4th floor] Da Bai is very confused: Hugs upstairs